Broken Horse
by berrywarbler
Summary: RPF; Chris/Darren - Chris was the only boy Darren ever loved, and for some idiotic reason Darren could never bring himself to tell Chris that.


"Glee was your first big break," the interviewer stated, and Darren nodded, vaguely aware of where this was headed. "You used to be incredibly tight with the cast, and now you don't seem to friends with any of them. Did anything happen?"

He took a deep breath, he got asked this a surprising amount of the time. "Not particularly," he answered honestly. "We all got busy after it ended. Lea went on to somehow do both movies and Broadway, Cory has another show, Chord has a music career-I still see him sometimes, go to his shows and stuff, Harry is leading a quieter life now."

"You and Chris Colfer used to be pretty close," she said, and Darren forced out a laugh, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Any particular reason you don't see each other anymore?" _Well, _Darren thought, _he's too busy to even notice that I had ever fallen for him. _

"He's just got a crazy schedule-the guy doesn't know how to take it easy," Darren answered aloud, hoping the answer would suffice and they could move on from the subject. Talking about Chris, and more importantly Chris's absence from his life, was not something Darren wanted to do on national television.

* * *

><p>The last time he had even spoken to Chris it had been short, polite, almost awkward to a point. They had gone from mutual fans of the other, to friends, to a drabble of something more before Chris was moving forward, moving on, his life already heading in a drastically different direction. Darren would have gone with him, the pull he felt towards Chris was almost terrifying. But Chris had thought their fling was just that-a fling, nothing more, a hook up between friends. And he went on his way, becoming even more famous everywhere he went, and Darren stayed behind writing sad songs in his San Francisco apartment in-between movie roles he got here and again.<p>

It wasn't that Darren didn't _try _and move on. He tried time and time again. Girls, boys, it didn't seem to matter anymore. The faces blurred together, their names easy and their personalities easily forgettable. It had been almost two years since he had even run into Chris anywhere, on the red carpet when he had been invited to Lea's new movie. They hadn't hugged or touched at all, just smiled at each other before Chris went back to his boyfriends arms, Lea tugging on Darren's hand to pull him forward on the red carpet.

He had even tried dating Lea. Superstar that she was; they had a good enough chemistry that it lasted awhile-longer than it did with the nameless people that tried to make him fall for them. He was sure that, had Chris not already messed him up so, he could have fallen in love with Lea. But eventually even Lea could tell that Darren wasn't really being Darren, wasn't being honest with her or himself. And Lea was never one to take just half of someone, she had to have them all or it wasn't worth her time. Not that he blamed her; he even breathed a sigh of relief the night she had finally left for the last time. He could be alone, wallow in self-pity, wonder how exactly Chris could have fucked him up so badly.

* * *

><p>"<em>Come on," Darren grinned, pulling Chris into a closet. He loved nothing more than to pull him close, run his thumbs over Chris's soft skin, run his lips over his jaw line. Chris chuckled darkly, his arms wrapped around Darren's shoulders.<em>

"_We need to be back in twenty minutes," Chris muttered, but Darren wasn't having any of it, and he nipped Chris's cheek gently. "You need to try and keep it in your pants Criss, the make-up department is already annoyed they have to redo my hair every time we sneak away." _

"_Do they know why your hair keeps getting messed up?" Darren asked, suddenly wary. Attracted as he was to Chris, he knew he wasn't gay-Chris just had a magnetism that seemed to defy gender and sexual orientation. And playing boyfriends on TV meant they had to be in close proximity, staring at each other with love and lust, and occasionally making out. It was only natural Darren wanted to expand on this. Co-stars did this all the time. _

_Still, he knew his manager and PR rep would be pissed if he got caught making out with Chris after he admitted to being straight so many times. And Chris, who tried so hard to keep his personal life personal, wouldn't be too pleased either. _

"_Of course not," Chris answered, kissing Darren quickly. "But we still need to get back. We're supposed to be working."_

"_God Hermione, you're such a buzz kill," Darren groaned, quoting his own musical which always elicited a laugh from Chris, a laugh so perfect Darren felt like he would turn into a puddle of mush every time he heard it.. _

"_Later Darren, you can come over and take advantage of me anyway you want."_

"_I'm holding you to that Colfer," Darren winked, opening the door and checking to make sure no one was around. "I'll remind you that you said anyway I want." _

"_I'm sure you will."_

* * *

><p>"Dude," was all Chord said. Lea had decided to host a <em>Glee <em>reunion party, everyone had shown up. They were supposed to be adults now-Cory and Mark were well into their 30's and married, Mark had a kid, Lea was engaged and even Dianna was in a serious relationship-but that didn't stop them from behaving like children at all when they met up.

It was almost like Rachel Berry's House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza had come to life-people were beyond drunk, making out in corners, Heather was already down to her bra and shorts while Naya was working her way out of her shirt beside her, Jenna and Ashley doing Jell-o shots.

But Darren wasn't even drunk, leaning far more towards sober. His eyes had barely left Chris all night, trailing them as Chris made his way across the room, hugging everyone and regaling them of tales of his five thousand projects he was working on. Chord had come over with a beer, the only one who had really ever noticed that Darren went quiet when Chris was around anymore.

Darren couldn't think of a good enough defense, simply shrugging and sipping his beer, his mouth a thin line as Chris sat himself in Cory's lap. He thought briefly of the time the three of them sat in Cory's trailor, surfing tumblr and laughing at all the Monfer fanfictions and edits. Darren had laughed along, a weird jealousy panging his stomach at the thought of Cory even _touching _Chris, when Darren knew full and well nothing had ever happened between the two. He knew, too, that there were plenty of fangirls who thought Darren and Chris were fucking too-Darren had to keep it quiet though. It was just a fling, two friends who occasionally slept together because they were on tour and Darren's girlfriend was really far away, and Chris was right there.

"Have you even talked to him tonight?" Chord asked, bringing Darren back to the present.

"No," Darren answered simply. He wasn't sure if Chris was avoiding him, or if he was avoiding Chris, but the fact of the matter was that they hadn't even acknowledged the others existence.

"Lea practically jumps you, and you two had a pretty well publicized break up, but Colfer and you can't even say hello?"

"It's complicated," Darren said, hoping Chord would just _drop _the subject.

"It's been like five years dude. You can't seriously still be in love with him."

"Why not, you've been married for like two years, what's the difference?" Chord didn't seem to have a response, instead patted Darren's shoulder sympathetically and wandered over to where Amber and Dianna were calling for him.

Darren tried to joke along with everyone, but he was sure he wasn't the same Darren everyone was expecting to show up. Chris didn't say anything to him, though a few times he shot him a raised eyebrow, a _what's going on with you? _type of look that Darren simply ignored. He was biding his time, waiting until someone threw up, passed out, or left so that he too could leave. He spent most of his time with Harry, Chord and Dianna, the four of them playing beer pong like teenagers. Lea wandered over, and Darren was aware that her eyes were only focused on him even when she addressed the group, how her hand lingered on his arm.

Chris came over to their table a few minutes later, sliding over to Chord and Dianna's side, declaring it was officially his turn.

"But then I'll get kicked out!" Dianna cried out, and while Darren briefly thought that it might be a good thing-she was quickly on her way to being the first to pass out-he didn't want to be there, so close but so far away from Chris.

"You can have my spot, I think I need fresh air," he offered, grabbing Lea's wrist and pulling her with him. He wasn't sure why exactly he brought her along, only that when they managed to get to a quiet room and her hands reached to pull his face to hers it felt familiar, warm, and he wasn't going to fight her off.

* * *

><p>Lea wandered off, leaving Darren to sit on the floor with his cup of beer that had somehow not been kicked over in their rush. He could hear the party raging downstairs, it sounded as if Lea had gotten ahold of a microphone, prepared to do a sing off with whoever was stupid (or drunk) enough to agree to one.<p>

"Darren?" a soft voice floated over his head, a voice that made his heart physically ache. He looked up quickly, his own hazel eyes seeming dull and boring in comparison to the bright blue looking down at him.

"Hi," Darren said, moving to stand up, a little shakily. "What-why aren't you downstairs?"

Chris shrugged, his gaze directed out the door he was standing in. "I was trying to find a bathroom, for an aspirin or something, but of course Lea would have the worlds most complicated house." Darren forced a smile, nodding.

"Right, well, I think it's just down the hall, I should get going back down-"

"How come you're avoiding me?" Chris asked, not letting Darren pass him as he blocked the doorway. Darren didn't have to fake his look of surprise, but his denial wasn't as genuine.

"I'm not, why would I be avoiding you?" He scoffed, rubbing the back of his neck and tried to avoid Chris's gaze.

"I don't know, that's why I asked," Chris stated.

"Well, I mean it's a party, we've been socializing-"

"I'm not just talking about tonight. I'm talking about these past few years." Darren gulped, looking down at the floor.

"You've been busy, I didn't want to get in your way or anything," he tried lamely. Chris snorted, clearly not buying Darren's excuse.

"Or the truth works too," Chris retorted.

"It's stupid," Darren tried, for the first time in his life hoping Lea would pop out of nowhere as she was prone to doing.

"Tell me."

* * *

><p>"<em>I love you," Darren said, watching Chris closely. He knew that this was all for a show, that he wasn't Darren speaking right now, he was Blaine, but he also knew there was truth behind the words. Chris had no idea, and even if he did he would never show it-he was the most talented person Darren had ever had the honor of working with, never falling out of character even for a second.<em>

"_Love you too," he replied across the table, the words feeling hollow in Darren's chest as he remembered that it wasn't Chris saying this, it wasn't Darren and Chris out at a coffee shop as a couple. They were Blaine and Kurt, high school sweethearts, changing teenagers lives everywhere by being a positive gay couple on TV. _

_Darren didn't even know how he got through the scene, his brain so wrapped up In being Darren when he was supposed to be Blaine that he was sure he looked distracted while still trying to look as hopelessly in love as Blaine was supposed to be with Kurt without having anyone see that it was just Darren being hopelessly in love with Kurt. Sure enough when the group watched the finale after the concert the night it aired-the tour had already started, which meant Darren was forced to spend even more time with Chris-they mocked him, asking when Blaine was supposed to have been roofied. He smirked at their remarks, Chris on his side as they quieted down when Sam and Mercedes had their moment. _

_The rest seemed too engrossed back in their own show to notice, but Darren felt Chris's hand sneak towards his own, squeezing it tight in camaraderie. When Darren looked at him, Chris just shrugged, his thumb caressing Darren's hand gently. It was almost a tender moment, and instead of overanalyzing, Darren went with it, leaning more comfortably against the couch, leaning into Chris._

* * *

><p>"Tell me," Chris repeated.<p>

"Can we at least, like, sit or something?" Darren asked, trying to reach for any way to procrastinate the suddenly inevitable conversation.

Chris sighed but moved over to the bed Lea and Darren had just occupied, Darren pushing that thought away as Chris settled himself on it comfortably. "Talk Criss," he finally said as Darren sat down on the opposite end of the bed.

"Okay, just, you remember when we were younger-"

"Yes."

"And how we used to, you know-"

"Hook up off camera and under the stage and on the tour buses and anywhere we could?" Darren nodded; his stomach too nauseous to really feel embarrassed about Chris's statement.

"Yeah, well, the thing is that I know how when it started, we agreed it was just a friends thing and all that," Darren rushed out, aware he was talking much faster than normal. But if he didn't get it all out immediately, it wasn't ever coming out, and Chris wanted the truth. "But the thing was, is, whatever, that it wasn't just a friends with benefits thing with me. I ended up doing the stupid thing and falling for you, because you're Chris fucking Colfer and you're basically perfect and how could everyone _not _be in love with you? And I'm just over here falling more and more while you start working on 17 other projects and winning awards and changing the entire world never even noticing how you completely flipped my world upside down."

His speech was cheesy and it was lame, but every word he uttered had been true. Chris, for his part, sat quietly and waited for Darren to finish-he seemed to sense that if he stopped him, Darren would never start up again.

"You know, for someone so smart, you can be so stupid sometimes," Chris chuckled. Darren looked up at him-he looked exactly as he usually did, collected, sure of himself, _beautiful_.

"Thanks, that's definitely not like throwing salt into a wound right now," Darren replied sarcastically.

"I'm not perfect," Chris said, ignoring Darren's comment. "And if you had opened your eyes a little wider you'd have seen that I was just waiting for you to _say _these things instead of hiding from me." Darren felt like his heart was pumping harder, like there was a pressure against his ears and he wasn't hearing Chris correctly. Before he could question him about it though, Chris leaned forward and planted a soft kiss-gentle, sweet, quick-on Darren before pulling back once more and standing up. "Now, let's go downstairs and endure everyone's torture. Or maybe we'll have lucked out and they'll all be too drunk or passed out by now."

Darren stood up, a grin spreading on his own face. "We can have hope," he said, vaguely aware of what Chris was talking about but hoping it was an appropriate response.

"Well, Dianna was already curled up into Cory's lap when I came to find you, so it's only a matter of time." They got to the top of the stairs and Chris held out a hand, looking at Darren expectantly. Feeling like a giddy teenager all over again, Darren quickly took it, a feeling of home washing over him as their fingers interlaced.


End file.
